There are times in life you are tested, times you learn, times you teach, times when you watch and times that they all come together. Man those are the times when they all converge as in the big storm the Nor' easter that you find what your foundation is made from.
I am speaking as a parent, a father of little ones. You know the ones you want to protect, to give everything and to also enjoy. Mine are small ones, one just 6 days into her 3rd year and the other 4. God you know your heart is so easily contorted by these little ones. Well I have a little one, my girl just 3 in this past week and she has been using a pacifier for a life time, her life time and we have tried a few times give it up. Well let me rephrase that we have tried to take it away. Tell her it's bad for her teeth, she is too big, and the days of what she calls her binky are over. How do you think that went? I can say 'NOT SMOOTH" we had no, we had NO and we had NOOOOOOOOOOOO! just incase we didn't get the jest. Ok so we tried to tell her we are just to big, it does not suit her looks and she should give them up. We have tried not caring them so she can't not have them when we are out, that OK you can use them only at night, we should give them to babies that need them. maybe we can tie one on to a balloon and send it off to binky baby in the sky, we had many plans, but we were always met, via-mentally with not gonna do it- and don't go there if you value your peace and sanity. So with all are attempts and all our pleas it took Sydney misplacing the 4 or 5 Binky's we had lying around to put a non planned plan into the works.
Sydney has a habit of leaving items where she is, when she is disinterested or just when the spirit moves her. So one by one the binky's were hiding, leaving and disappearing. We have had this issue for sometime and we had reserves and hidden spares but it was getting old and Sydney was getting too old also.
Last night was DT time. She has not had the use of a binky for 2 or 3 days. She has had moments and a few real hard cries, but last night was a real moment. A monumental one, she had returned from a YMCA Halloween party was tired, was full of sugar charge, had an over load of activity and needed her BINKY. She tried me and I told her we were done with them, she went upstair had heart to heart with Mommy and then came down full tears, full cry full oh my god she can hardly breath. Sydney was in full melt down. A "OH MY GOD NO MORE BINKY"S IN MY LIFE" epiphany had set in. She came over to barter, to cry, to need a hug to unload. I tried your a big girl, I tried all the stops but this was going to be a make it moment. I almost broke down myself, I did have a reserve binky in my pocket. I have been hauling one around for the last several days, for a JIC (just in case). To me several times I reached for the holy grail the hidden one which would have stopped all crying right in it tracks. Giving me peace and made me the man, in her eyes, but thats maybe more then 2 steps back, that could mean we have a harder time on the next try and the next and so on. We have been down this road, lightly but down this path. Now we have made a real stride and do I want to go through it again and maybe for the worse. This is breaking my heart, Sydney is in complete remorse, it as a death has been learned and on to stepping towards the 7 stages. I am so close to acceptance that I can not go back. My heart can't take it.
So lessons, convergence, the perfect storm- NO. this is taking me down and I am now bartering. I am telling Sydney that she has done a hugh thing. She is to be so proud of herself, as I am and she will be able to go get something for herself at the end of the week. That got a few cogs turning in her brain, she thought that this may be a good thing! I have heard that she wants a new Baby Einstein doll, we have Anne but June, or Leo or Quincy would be nice. I have heard that she wants a dress and some shoes, now they have to be Princess ones. Thats was on the list, so I do believe that we are going to be seeing a new pair of shoes around here shortly. She has made it through that wall, that was last night. I made it through that wall too and I don't even remember using a binky.
Binky is a pacifier till it becomes hell. And a baby hell is not one that is easy. Not one that is easy. Please no more Binky's that just spring up in hidden places. This is not one I want to go through again. It now has been 2 weeks. We are not free and clear but she has only asked a few times and they seem to be fleeting. The one one of faced to face, crying as if her world was coming to an end seem to have passed. It my have taken a year off my life as it broke my heart not to give her the blessed binky of peace, but it was just a crouch. It was worse trying to always have one on hand and now we travel and it is not demanded till all hell breaks loose. I will miss being the trusted binky carrier. Sydney got used to handing me the binky to stick in my pocket. I was honored to be that holder of peace, but it is so much nicer to be binky free.
